Behind The Wheel

With the world of modern technology and high-tech wonders, we need to question the grocery industry and the tedium that comes with this weekly task. Why is there nothing new or modern … nothing particularly great going on at the grocery store? Just the same scene … week in and week out.

You park your car and muster the energy to get this done quickly. You reach for a cart and they’re S-T-U-C-K. Nothing works and you summon the manager to call the Jaws of Life to help you out. You finally get your hands on a cart and the journey begins. Your ear turns to the familiar sound of the stray wheel-ringing clickety-click until finally, the entire wheel sticks to the side and you’re forced to push the wheel along, casting embarrassed glances over your shoulder.

Accosted by an enthusiastic neighbor, you listen for what seems like hours to the process of making a dessert using smashed Oreos and gummy worms. Worms in a pail or something like that? With glazed eyes you continue shopping when you’re quickly duck in the next aisle. Aghast, the inconspicuous sighting of the Sunday School Coordinator and a random PTA member has you trembling.

The next stop is the deli. Standing there and tempted by the hummus in a cup (but had willpower) you wait until the workers finish slicing a couple sides of pork and a few bricks of cheese. For a fleeting moment you consider downing a couple of the chicken tenders in the car but, again, you have self-control.

You finish your shopping and head to the checkout line. Drat. You’re in Chatty Checker’s line and absolutely doomed. Doomed for life! The checker and the bagger gossip about a colleague while the guy in front of you balances his checkbook and admires his beautiful penmanship. Four hours later and hundreds poorer, you’re out!

Tips and Tricks of Successful Shoppers
• Always keep a wig and dark glasses in the car. A mullet-style seems to work the best • Bring WD-40 to squirt on all four grocery wheels • Grab the nearest People magazine to read as you check out. Looking at George Clooney or Brad Pitt does wonders • If you have your kids, never take the “big rig” unless you want to take out the canned peaches while maneuvering the corner. And NEVER consider the plastic car carts. What if you ran into your college boyfriend behind one of those? • Oh yes, since you’re a Relish! subscriber and probably a little smug about your shopping list, make sure to flash it by your friends as you’re checking out in 20 minutes flat!

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Relish is a menu-service designed to rescue busy people with the nightly question of “what’s for dinner?”  For only $7 per month, subscribers receive customized weekly menus with easy-to-follow shopping lists. Everyday food for real people. Easy meals in 30 minutes, visit www.relishrelish.com.